One of my male friends is 5’7”. He’s been on Match.com and told me his message inbox is radio silent. He will message women and they won’t respond, and doesn’t receive messages initiated by women either. But then he told me, “Anita, just for fun sometimes I change my height to 6 feet, and then my inbox gets flooded with messages.” Several of my male clients are on dating app and mention that of the first questions that women ask them is their height. When they say they’re 5’9” or 5’8”, they don’t hear from them again. The average height for men is 5’9”!
When I heard these kinds of stories from men, my heart sinks. Here are fabulous guys who would make women loving husbands some day, and they’re getting overlooked simply because of their height. It didn’t surprise me though. I work with many women too, and when I ask them what they’re looking for in a guy, one of the first traits they describe is height.
The problem is that a height requirement decreases your overall chances of finding love. Dating is tough. When you factor in attraction, chemistry, your dealbreakers, values and needs, it’ll take some time to find someone. Don’t dismiss a shorter guy just based on height – at least give the guy a chance!
A short guy can meet your needs just as well as a tall guy. The most common reason women tell me that they want a tall guy is because it makes them feel secure. But think of all those not-so-tall guys that have a lot of muscle on them and can be strong as well. In fact, they may be even stronger than this tall prince charming that you’re hoping to meet. And don’t forget about emotional security. A tall guy can be emotionally unavailable, but a shorter guy can support you, be there when you need him, and let you know his feelings every step of the way.
Women tell me that there’s something sexy about standing next to a tall guy. It makes them feel more feminine. Ok…but what if this tall guy rarely compliments you? Or puts you down? You won’t be feeling feminine then. Maybe the short guy will treat you like a queen and let you know you’re sexy and desirable. A guy’s height doesn’t guarantee you’ll feel feminine but a guy’s respect for you does.
Why do you want a tall guy? Identify the needs behind it, like feeling secure and feminine, and give a shorter guy a chance to meet you. He may be able to meet those needs, too.