“They were right. I’ll never be good enough.”
“Who am I kidding? I’ll never get that degree.”
“What’s the point in trying? Things will never get better.”

Have you found yourself repeating the narratives above or something similar? I know I have. It kept me in a constant loop of making the same choices and getting the same unwanted outcomes. It is common to repeat unhelpful beliefs, because it is familiar and easy; yet, the cost is immense. This is a trap that keeps you stuck. The unhelpful beliefs may seem to work because you are not required to change. Change can be scary because it often means leaving the comfort zone into unfamiliar territory. I am here to tell you that the cycle of useless beliefs that you’re repeating to yourself won’t make your life better. Chances are, you will feel worse about yourself and won’t work towards the things you truly want.

Let’s apply useless thinking to an example. A goal of mine is learning to swim and I know I will need lessons. Let’s say the first person I share my goal with says “Don’t waste your time. You’ll never learn how to swim.” Yikes! Thanks, dream killer. Why should I believe that? Can they predict the future? Absolutely not. Now, imagine being supported by someone that says “Learning how to swim is possible with practice. I know a great instructor and I believe with consistent effort, you will become an excellent swimmer.” This is a narrative worth holding on to. Sounds supportive and rational, right? Who wouldn’t want to be supported that way?

Unlearning useless beliefs can be challenging because you likely have been repeating these narratives for most of your life. It didn’t happen overnight, therefore don’t expect yourself to unlearn them right away. This is where compassion is necessary–and not to be used as an excuse to remain stuck. Meaning, you can have compassion towards yourself for the impact those beliefs had on your life. The pain it caused you and others can be difficult to face and you can use it as an opportunity to change your thought patterns.

To clarify, I am not encouraging you to be dishonest with yourself. This information is meant to be used towards beliefs that aren’t serving you. The beliefs that hinder your growth are worth letting go of. Let’s imagine Michael Phelps challenges me to swim and I go for it, without taking those lessons. I’m so excited that I tell everyone that they should place a bet for me to win. Doesn’t sound wise, does it? He’d probably end up rescuing me instead because I’d be putting myself in danger. However, with lessons, I am capable of beating him (let me dream).

Application: Make a list of the beliefs you have that both support and hinder your goals. After identifying the thoughts that don’t work for you, slowly replace them with a supportive thought that you genuinely believe. The more you repeat them, it will be easier to add new helpful beliefs to your memory bank. Don’t force the beliefs upon yourself because it likely won’t stick for long. As you practice, notice how your mindset shifts over time.

A big part of couple’s communication is that their word choices affect their partner. The words people use can signify how they feel, where they are mentally, and their thought process. In essence, words do matter. Within our close relationships, we can replay words that stick out for us and some of these words can lead us to being defensive. These words can create an ineffective way to communicate when what we actually desire is effective communication skills within our relationships.

These words which trigger defensiveness and that can have a lasting impact are known as absolute words.

Absolute words are contained in statements that cause an instant reaction in the other person. Think of it as hearing a word feels like adding salt to a wound…it burns!!! And its effects can be lasting. They are called absolute words because they do not allow any wiggle room, are definitive, and unconditional.

Sometimes, absolute words can be non-toxic when used appropriately or in romantic gestures, such as:

• “I have fun with you all the time.”
• “We always end up having great memories there.”
• “I never want this moment to end.”
• “Every time we end up at this restaurant, we get yummy leftovers to take home.”

However, the moments that stand out to couples more often are when they are used in a toxic way that can make us defensive, such as:

• “You never help me with the dishes/kids/cleaning or chores.”
• “I am always the only one that ends up trying to put in effort.”
• “Every time I tell you how I am feeling, you…”
• “As usual or all the time, I have to initiate…”

The issue isn’t your feelings, concerns, or the feedback you might want to share with the other person, because all of these can create relationship growth. Rather, it is how you are saying it that may elicit a reaction that is more detrimental to the conversation and to your relationship. Even the absolute statements or words used in non-toxic ways are not always true in every single instance. However, our brain does not pick those apart and analyze them the way we may analyze when they are used negatively. When you use absolute words or statements in your day-to-day with your partner, let that be a slight warning sign you might also be using them in a detrimental way.

For example, say you always enjoy your time with your friend Alex. In reality, sometimes you want space, might not be in the mood, or feel annoyed by Alex. Just because you say you always enjoy your time together, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s actually every single time.

Being mindful of absolute words and understanding how they can impact us can make a big difference for us and our relationships. Think of them this way: if you begin noticing absolute words in your relationship, these are a warning sign that your main issue or complaint is not being heard the way you intended. This might lead to the person on the receiving end being reactive, reserved and defensive and result in a breakdown of your communication.

If you would like to learn more about breaking the use of absolute words and ensuring your main point gets across, feel free to reach out to me via the contact form on our website.

When I ask people what they think the #1 issue is that brings couples to therapy, I usually hear:

Money
Lack of sex
Cheating

Nope to all 3. At least not in my office. In fact, nearly every single couple blames their issues on the exact same thing: “communication problems.” The funny thing is, when I talk with them, they are quite articulate and I understand them just fine. So, what’s really going on?

In my 19 years as a relationship therapist, I’ve noticed that when a couple cites “communication problems,” they’re actually referring to one of three areas that can cause tension in a relationship. These three things are: emotional management, recurring differences, and connection. The good news is that once you identify which area you’re struggling with, you can use the tips below to elevate your relationship.

1. Emotional management. Every couple has conflict. However, if your fights frequently escalate and/or one or both of you shuts down, your relationship has an emotional management problem. You’ve probably heard of fight-or-flight and it’s easy to get into this state by allowing your emotions to get out of control. When you’re in fight-or-flight, conversation is useless because your emotions have hijacked your brain. You can’t listen well, you lose your sense of humor, you can’t see your partner’s point of view or empathize. Effective problem solving is impossible in this state. And when do couples try to talk and resolve problems? When they’re in fight-or-flight—the real issue that is affecting communication.

Emotional management matters, particularly because these kinds of behaviors predict divorce. Often, I see my couples engage in these toxic behaviors when they’re in fight-or-flight mode. You say hurtful things and may even get to the point where an “I’m sorry” just doesn’t cut it anymore. The pain can be so great that one or both partners slowly withdraws, leading to disconnection.

What to do: Learn to calm yourself down. Count to 10 slowly, take deep breaths, and tell your partner you need a timeout. One of the best timeouts you can take is with a distraction—listen to music, scroll social media, or go work out. The last thing you want to do is replay the fight and arm yourself with more battle points to make when you resume your conversation.

Learn to de-escalate. Make each other laugh or use repair attempts. And knowing when to stay quiet can be one of the best de-escalation tools. It’s not just about picking your battles, but about staying in the present with your partner versus needing to defend yourself or point out their faults at that moment. Your time to share your point of view will come.

2. Recurring differences. If you find yourself fighting over the same issues again and again—but you never make any headway—you’re probably fighting over recurring differences. Common examples include money, sex, time together versus apart, neatness and organization, and parenting. Couples get stuck when they think these issues have one solution (and that each partner thinks they are the one that is right) and that the issue needs to be resolved. But here’s the thing: resolving these differences is probably not going to happen. That’s what makes it a recurring difference. Rather, they need to be managed because they’re not going to go away.

The good news? All couples have recurring issues. No couple is the perfect fit, and your issues are rooted in inevitable differences: how you were raised, your personality, values, likes and dislikes. Fighting your partner on these issues can accidentally convey to them that you don’t accept or respect them for who they are and invalidate what is important to them. After all, if you’re trying to change them, of course they’re going to dig in their heels even more. And then round and round you go.

What to do: Practice holding two different—sometimes even opposing—viewpoints and to consider both of them as valid and right. This is very difficult for some people, in particular for you all-or-nothing thinkers reading this. The key here is that you don’t have to agree! People get stuck because they think acknowledging a different or opposing stance means they have to agree to it, but you don’t. You just have to understand. You also need to compromise. I wrote a blog on how you can do that here.

3. Connection. Finally, if you’re fighting over petty little things or can’t even remember what your fights were even about, you’re probably fighting over connection.

Each partner’s job in a relationship is to provide safety and security—not just physically, but emotionally too. When your safety becomes threatened or ruptured, fights ensue. Instead of telling your partner that you feel unloved, undesired, or unwanted, it’s easier to pick a fight. And it could be over anything. Something as simple as one partner getting ahead in a Netflix show that both of you were watching together. Is it about the show? Is it really about being upset that one person knows what happened before the other? Of course not. It’s about one partner feeling excluded from something that they considered to be a special ritual.

To an extent, picking a fight makes sense: at least it gets your partner’s attention, even if it’s not the kind you want. But these “protest fights” that test your partner’s love and attention fail. They wear on a relationship and create unnecessary negativity, and eventually can cause withdrawal and disconnection.

What to do: One place to start is by identifying your top three needs. Be specific. What does it look like to have each need be met by your partner? The more examples you can describe, the better as this will give them more ways to win with you. You want to create the environment in your relationship that make you both feel special, like a priority, and like you are choosing each other over and over. In order for your relationship to thrive, you both need to feel like you have each other’s backs, and that you can rely and depend on each other. Most importantly, when you have this kind of security, you can be even more open and vulnerable with each other which will only strengthen your relationship.

Final Thoughts
So if you’re struggling with “communication problems,” reflect on whether it’s really an issue around emotional management, navigating long-standing differences, or feeling disconnected. Because once you can name it, you can start making real changes to improve your relationship and make it healthy and satisfying.

If you’re feeling lost in the dating world or need support in rediscovering yourself, I’m here to help. Contact us today.

One of the most common struggles people experience that can affect their emotional intimacy in relationships is low self-esteem. It is a concept that people tend to forget about despite being laid out in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. When we embrace our human mistakes and have a more positive outlook on our own self, our self-esteem meter tends to increase. This positive shift in how we view ourselves can enhance not just our mental well-being, but also our relationships, motivation, and ability to form deep emotional connections.

People are usually not taught about the concept of self-esteem and may not really think about it, other than considering that they have lower self-esteem than others. It is crucial to reflect on our self-esteem from time to time to allow room for reflection and further growth or personal growth in relationship.

Growth can happen when we begin to notice moments where we can increase love for ourselves and practice self-acceptance. The more we love ourselves, the more likely we are to feel good about ourselves. Loving ourselves is attainable by being more focused on our strengths rather than our weaknesses or past mistakes, but it does not mean you think of yourself as perfect! 

Here are seven things you can implement this upcoming week to increase your self-esteem over time:

1. Focus on the strengths you had shine through this week.
2. Relive the successes you had (a date, work, financial decisions, relationship accomplishment, goal).
3. Keep track of your strengths or accomplishments of the week so you can review the list often.
4. Humanize your mistakes by reminding yourself that everyone makes mistakes by saying it out loud.
5. Reflect on the positives you hear from others about yourself.
6. Avoid the “should have done/said” when replaying situations.
7. Acknowledge yourself when you do something that takes effort.

Try implementing these strategies and begin noticing the differences that you may feel in increasing your self-love and, as a result, your self-esteem.

If you are looking forward to increasing your self-esteem and breaking negative thought patterns, reach out to me via our contact form and I can help.

Dating in high school and college often feels like a matter of convenience proximity, shared classes, and mutual friends make it easy to connect with someone. But stepping into the broader dating world beyond familiar circles can feel like the Wild West. Without the built-in structure of school or mutual acquaintances, navigating relationships becomes a whole new experience, filled with challenges and opportunities for personal growth.

Recognizing Patterns and Expanding Perspectives
It’s natural to gravitate toward a certain “type” in dating, but when relationships repeatedly don’t work out, it’s important to consider a bigger picture. Sometimes, we dismiss red flags as beige ones subtle but significant warning signs we overlook in the pursuit of connection. Understanding our patterns, identifying what we need in a healthy relationship, and reflecting on past experiences can help us make more intentional choices moving forward.

The Importance of Being Single
Dating can be emotionally demanding. Being in a relationship, especially for an extended period, creates an interconnecting of identities, routines, and expectations. After a breakup, taking time to rediscover yourself, rebuild your sense of self-worth, and prioritize personal happiness is crucial. Learning to enjoy your own company and fostering self-love sets the foundation for healthier, more fulfilling relationships in the future.

Finding Support in Your Journey 
At our practice, we understand that dating and relationships come with unique emotional challenges. Whether you’re healing from past relationships, struggling with dating fatigue, or looking to break unhealthy patterns, we provide the tools and guidance to help you navigate these experiences with confidence. Investing in yourself is the first step to building the kind of relationship you truly deserve.

If you’re feeling lost in the dating world or need support in rediscovering yourself, I’m here to help. Contact us today.

Introduction
Body image is something people commonly struggle with at some point in their lives.

It’s a topic that can feel sensitive, even taboo, but it’s one that we need to talk about especially when it comes to how it affects our sex lives.

From a young age, we begin to form an image of what our bodies should look like. These ideas don’t just appear out of nowhere; they’re shaped by family, friends, media, and the cultures we grow up in. We are told sometimes subtly, sometimes explicitly that if our bodies don’t fit a certain mold, we won’t be desired, loved, or happy.

The Weight of Cultural Messaging
As a queer Latina therapist, I’ve seen firsthand how these messages impact people’s self-esteem and relationships.

In the Latinx community, it’s common to hear labels like “gorda or flaca“ thrown around casually, often by family members who think they’re being affectionate or helpful.

Growing up in the U.S., these messages only intensified you’re not skinny enough, you’re too fat, you should cover up, you should lose weight.

These comments become ingrained, shaping the way we see ourselves and, ultimately, how we show up in intimate spaces.

How Body Image Shapes Sexual Confidence
When we internalize negative beliefs about our bodies, it can show up in our sex lives in ways we might not even realize:

• Feeling self-conscious about being naked or seen by a partner.
• Avoiding certain positions or activities due to fear of judgment.
• Struggling with arousal or orgasm because of anxiety about appearance.
• Associating desirability with unrealistic body standards rather than connection and pleasure.

Reclaiming Our Bodies, Reclaiming Pleasure
So, how do we unlearn these harmful beliefs and start embracing our bodies as they are?

• Challenge the Narrative – Notice where these ideas about your body came from and question them. Whose standards are you holding yourself to?
• Practice Self-Compassion – Speak to yourself with kindness. Your body is worthy of love, pleasure, and acceptance.
• Find What Feels Good – Focus on what makes you feel sexy and connected rather than what you think you “should” look like.
• Communicate With Your Partner – Open conversations about insecurities can foster deeper intimacy and understanding.

Your body is not the problem society’s unrealistic standards are.

Pleasure, intimacy, and confidence aren’t reserved for a specific body type.

The more we challenge these harmful narratives, the more we create space for authentic, fulfilling sexual experiences.

What has helped you embrace your body and sexuality? If you need help, contact me today.

The New Year is upon us and with it comes Dating Sunday, the busiest time of the year on the dating apps. But let’s be real: if you’re like many of my clients, friends, and me, you’re so over the apps. Whether you’ve deleted them for good or have paused on the swipe culture, you’re not alone.

So if you’re serious about finding a meaningful connection, here are 15 tips to improve your chances of meeting someone in IRL in 2025:

1. Don’t settle. Say goodbye to behaviors like situationships, breadcrumbing, and orbiting. You want to avoid relationships that don’t align with your long-term goals. They’re a time waster and can prevent you from connecting with someone else! Don’t settle for anything less than someone who makes it known that they are dating you and proves it with their actions.

2. Clarify what you want. It’s easy to get caught up in the “I’ll know it when I feel it” mindset. But feelings aren’t always the best indicator of what’s best for you. Take the time to get clear about what you’re looking for in a partner so you can prevent wasting your (and your date’s) time.

3. Give a “maybe” a chance. You may not be 100% attracted to someone right away, but as long as they’re not a “hell no,” give them a chance. Attraction can grow when you focus on your date’s positive qualities and personality. And ladies, for the love of your future relationship happiness, ditch the 6-foot height requirement.

4. “You had me at hello” starts with body language. The dating apps have made rejection more prevalent than ever. If you’re hoping to make a connection with a cutie across the bar, make sure your body language says, “Come say hello.”

5. Don’t be afraid to make the first move. Even if your body language is open, some people will still need very clear signs that you’re interested, otherwise they won’t make a move. So shoot your shot, flirt, and let your interest be clearly known.

6. Strengthen your social skills. Common frustrations I hear from my single clients include: dates that feel like interviews, dates who don’t ask any questions, and dates who overshare personal information too soon. Being a great conversationalist and an engaging date is a skill that can be developed. Practice active listening, ask open-ended questions, be prepared with stories, and share appropriately to increase your success in getting another date.

7. Clean up your calendar. You need time to date. Period. Keeping busy can keep you single. It’s easy to let things fizzle when you don’t see a date for two weeks because your calendar is jam-packed. Schedule one less happy hour with a friend, shorten your workout, and decline some invitations.

8. Check your expectations. If you expect a Hollywood love story where the sparks last forever, or if you have a long list of boxes you expect your date to check, you will be disappointed. Sparks fade and there’s no perfect person out there. Staying flexible and open-minded can help you recognize the value in someone who may not be your ‘ideal” but could still be a great match.

9. Stay present. If you’re “too in your head” on your dates, you’re overanalyzing and being worried about the next thing that you’re going to say. These can lead to missed opportunities for genuine connection. Practice focusing on the present moment and most importantly, have fun!

10. Join a unique club or group. Sure, everyone’s into pickleball these days (except maybe me!). But look beyond typical hobbies and try something a bit offbeat. I recently found out about a secret pizza club in Chicago, where pizza lovers try pizzerias in different neighborhoods. Not only have I been having delicious pizzas and exploring more of my city, I’ve met a lot of fun people.

11. Do things solo. Sometimes the best way to meet people is to do things on your own. Go to a concert, grab a drink at a bar, or take a class. Going solo not only can provide you with opportunities to meet people, but it can give you a boost of confidence. It may initially feel scary to just show up by yourself, but the more times you do things solo, the more you can build your confidence. And let’s be honest, confidence is sexy.

12. Identify and work on your blocks. If you are scared of rejection, carry the weight of a past divorce, or self-sabotage when things start to go well, it might be good to take a break from dating. Work on removing those blocks and unhealthy patterns so that you’re emotionally available when you meet someone.

13. Work on your attachment style. Your attachment style has a significant impact on who you choose as a partner. If you have a non-secure attachment style, it can lead to unhealthy behaviors and choices in dating. Invest time in understanding and shifting toward a more secure attachment style it can make a difference when it comes to long-term compatibility and relationship satisfaction.

14. Don’t give up. As cliché as this sounds, finding a great match takes time and effort. It’s easy to get discouraged and take long breaks from dating. But since the love of your life won’t show up on your doorstep, it’s important to keep putting yourself out there.

15. Come to our Chicago Singles’ Party. I co-founded On Love X, LLC, with Nick Thompson, where we host experiences for singles looking to meet people in real life. Attending an event specifically for singles takes away some initial barriers you know everyone there is single, looking for love, and open to meeting people. Take this as a sign and sign up today. Sign up

Cheers to finding a healthy love in 2025!

Anita

When you open a book and start reading the first chapter, do you already know every detail of the book and how it’s going to end? Or when you start watching a Netflix series, do you already know how the entire plot is going to play out after just one episode?

Probably not, because you can’t predict every detail and how things will go nor how the story will end.

Yet, when it comes to love, many of us do just that. Whether it’s after one date or a few weeks, I often hear things like:

I just know this won’t work.
If it’s not perfect, I don’t want to put in the time.
If I don’t know if I can get there with my feelings, I just end it.
I can’t put my finger on it, I just don’t see a future, so I’ll just end it now.
I cut things off quickly when I’m unsure about someone.
At the first sign of a red flag, I end it.
I don’t want to lead someone on, so it’s better to break it off early.
If they like me too much and it doesn’t work out, I’d rather rip off the band aid and break up with them first.

But how do you know it won’t work? How can you be certain that someone isn’t right for you after just a few dates or spending time with them for a few weeks? How do you know your feelings for someone won’t develop? How do you know a relationship wouldn’t work when you’re only on the second page of your love story?

And I’m not talking if you’re absolutely 100% not attracted to your date. Or if there’s a clear deal breaker like you want children and your date doesn’t, or you have fundamental differences in faith. I’m talking about those times when there’s no tangible reason to end things, yet you do it anyway.

When I ask my clients to give me reasons they don’t want to continue seeing someone, they can’t always tell me why. It’s usually a vague sense that “this won’t work.” But without concrete evidence, are you really giving love a fair chance? You don’t want to make judgments and assumptions about why things won’t work, because you risk passing over a good match. I’ll never forget a session I had with a client who went on a first date with a guy she found attractive. But then she drops, “We wouldn’t have passionate sex.” I asked her why. She said she could just tell. There was no evidence they hadn’t even had sex yet!

These kinds of stories, where someone dismisses a potential partner without any real evidence that a relationship wouldn’t work, are disheartening. So why don’t we give people a chance? Some people need time to get comfortable on dates. Others need time to build trust before they can be vulnerable, which is essential for a connection. Or sometimes, a first date isn’t always where people shine. My clients have told me things such as:

I’m not being myself on dates because I’m worried about getting hurt. I’m too guarded.
I don’t come across that great on first dates, but I’m awesome when you get to know me.
I have a hard time selling myself.
I’m not freely vulnerable. But once I get comfortable, you don’t have to pull it out of me.

Many singles sabotage their love stories by ending things too soon. Here are five common reasons why this happens:

1. Non-secure attachment style. A non-secure attachment style puts you at a higher chance to dismiss someone more quickly. You look for the intense chemistry from date one. You risk mistaking anxiety for butterflies or expect the Hollywood/fairy tale type of chemistry from the start. You expect things to be perfect. And when you don’t feel the immediate chemistry or things don’t go perfectly, you bounce.

2. Anxiety. Overthinking can cause you to get in your own way. Your thoughts can go a thousand miles a minute with the things that could go wrong. You worry and make assumptions without any evidence. You make snap judgments without checking things out with your date or getting more context. You ruminate over things going wrong or “waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

3. Insecurity. You may feel inadequate, unworthy, or unlovable. You may put a date on a pedestal while downplaying the things that you offer in a relationship. You start a mental snowball of thinking that you’re not good enough and that your date will want someone better, and so you end things before it can develop further. On the flipside, if you are insecure, you can also be dismissive because you think there’s something wrong with the date who’s into you. I hear things from my clients like: What’s wrong with them that they’re so into me? Why are they interested in me? I look down on those who like me more than I like them.

4. Fear. You’ve been hurt before and are afraid that you will be hurt again. You’re afraid to let people in. You’re divorced and fear you’ll get divorced again, or your parents divorced and you fear marriage because you, too, could get divorced. You are afraid of rejection and expect it with every date. You were blindsided by a previous date or partner and are scared it’s going to happen again. You fear ending up with the wrong person and so you can keep hunting for the perfect one. Whatever your fears, it’s easier to end things with a date before things even have a chance to develop into a relationship—because that’s when the stakes are high and require vulnerability.

5. Time pressure. If you’re feeling pressure that you don’t want to waste your time or that time is ticking, you risk rushing the dating process. You won’t take the necessary time to truly assess whether someone is a good fit. Instead, you’ll make snap decisions—and potentially waste even more time with the number of dates you end up having to go on.

But things are not hopeless. Being aware of how quickly you dismiss someone is the first step towards making changes. Here are seven things you can do:

1. Sit with the uncertainty. The first few weeks of dating can be filled with uncertainty, anxiety, worry, and doubt. You can train yourself to tolerate uncertainty rather than ending things to avoid discomfort.

2. Build resiliency to rejection. Rejection doesn’t have to be something to fear. Yes, it hurts, but you’ve survived it before. Remind yourself that even if a relationship doesn’t work out, you’ve been able to move on.

3. Don’t add unnecessary pressure. Let things progress naturally. Don’t rush the timeline for when you need to decide if someone is a long-term match. Take things one date at a time and enjoy the dating process.

4. Catch your assumptions. Notice how many assumptions you make about a date and why things won’t work out. If you don’t have enough context or any evidence, keep dating them until you get the information you need to decide whether to end things or not.

5. Have conversations. If you have a concern or are uncertain about something, talk it out. Don’t cut things off without first having a conversation to allow your date the opportunity to address your concerns. You want tangible evidence that you can’t make it work, but you may find that your concerns were unnecessary worries or that you were able to work out a compromise.

6. Watch your deactivating strategies. Deactivating strategies are behaviors that people engage in to create emotional and physical distance with a romantic date or partner. Nitpicking, focusing on the negatives, being judgmental, and having rigid or perfectionist thinking are all ways to create distance and to give yourself reasons to stop dating someone.

7. Work on yourself. Whether you need to work on valuing yourself, believing you are lovable, figuring out what you really want in a relationship, or increasing your comfort to intimacy, working on yourself is a key way to prevent dismissing a good match too quickly. You’ll feel more confident in yourself and more in control of your feelings and thoughts, and that can help make better decisions about a long-term match.Remember, you’re the co-author of your love story. Choose your co-author wisely, but give the story the time it deserves to develop. It might give you what you want—a happily ever after ending.

If you’re feeling lost in the dating world or need support in rediscovering yourself, I’m here to help. Contact us today.

The mention of a honeymoon often stirs up a sense of nostalgia, reminiscent of the early days of a relationship the blissful first weeks or months with a long-term partner, or the unforgettable getaway following marriage. It’s a cherished period where you feel deeply connected and create memories that last a lifetime.

But here’s the thing: the honeymoon experience doesn’t have to be a one-time event. You can create it in your relationship as an annual tradition, offering countless reasons to embrace it. In today’s fast-paced world, where you juggle the demands of work, life, and everything in between, it’s easy to lose sight of your relationship amidst the chaos. That’s why an annual honeymoon can be a powerful ritual of emotional intimacy that helps you slow down, reconnect and build stronger relationship. 

An annual honeymoon serves as a powerful ritual of connection, infusing romance into you and your partner’s life. It’s a deliberate pause—a chance to reignite the spark and nurture your bond in a world that often creates disconnection for couples. An annual honeymoon is a significant ritual of connection that you can look forward to every year, exclusive to yours and your partner, where you can reconnect and deepen your romance and create strengthening memories.

Seven ways an annual honeymoon can help your relationship:

1. It can foster connection and prevent you and your partner from becoming disconnected.
2. It can reignite more positive interactions between you and your partner.
3. It can help you focus on yourselves for a specific period, serving as a reliever from life’s stressors.
4.  It can make your partner feel like a priority, which enhances commitment and safety in the relationship.
5. It allows you to step into the journey of rediscovery for the reasons why you fell in love and how you continue to grow as a couple and individually.
6. It can help you work on your communication skills with each other as you navigate activities or plans during your trip and support different thoughts.
7. It can create newer, positive memories.

It’s important to remember that an annual honeymoon doesn’t have to be extravagant. Consider a cozy cabin in the woods for a long weekend getaway, exploring a neighboring state for a few days, taking local trips, or simply spending quality time somewhere on the beach.

So, how do you plan to relive those amazing feelings of nostalgia with a honeymoon ritual?

When you get married, you are not only marrying your partner but also marrying into one another’s family. When a couple maintains a good relationship with their in-laws, they have extra support from people who genuinely care about their well-being. However, it is important to set boundaries with your in-laws as well, especially if the relationship with your in-laws is a little rocky. Boundaries are clear rules or guidelines of how you would like to be treated. There can be different expectations about your partner’s family dynamics. Every family has a different set of values so a healthy relationship with your in-laws also requires empathy and resilience. What do you (or your partner) do when your in-laws are pushing those boundaries?

As a couples therapist, I often help clients navigate relationships with their in-laws and help them set healthy boundaries. Here are 3 tips to help you with have not only harmony with your in-laws, but with your partner as well:

1. Focus on the relationship between you and your partner. Let your partner know the boundaries that you have set for their family. Ultimately, you and your partner are a team, so make sure you’re both on the same page about what you do not want to talk about or do not want to do with their family. With respect and open communication, you will both feel more comfortable during interactions that involve your partner and their family.

 

2. Be careful of the confrontations/arguments you get involved in. Family gatherings don’t need to be about confronting family issues. Before the gathering, talk with your partner and come up with things to say to shut down any confrontation. Some starters include: “This is not something I’m comfortable discussing right now,” “Sorry, but I won’t be getting involved in this conversation right now. We can talk about it another day after the holidays,” and “I have decided not to discuss that today. If you’d like to call me sometime next week to talk about that, I’ll be available then.”

 

3. Have a strategy to leave the gathering early. If all else fails, make sure you and your partner develop an exit plan before the family gathering. It’s not easy to deal with judgment, especially if it is coming from your partner’s family. Create a code word or phrase so your partner knows when you feel highly triggered and need to leave the event. You did your part by trying to be there for your partner’s family, but you don’t have to stay around them for too long and engage in situations that are not good for your emotional well-being.

Pro tip: It’s often better if you let your partner set boundaries with your in-laws (their parents). This is because the child of the parents already has an established relationship with their parents, which means the message might be better received if it’s coming from their child rather than an in-law. When you get married, your spouse should be your number one priority so it’s crucial that your spouse has your back in case you have any issues with their family.

Overall, having healthy boundaries creates mutual respect among people and setting boundaries helps you know what is expected in a relationship. Having boundaries with your in-laws lets them know that your boundaries are not a rejection but a way to establish your own space as a couple. Boundaries in relationships say, “I can love both you and me at the same time.” In this case, boundaries mean loving both your partner’s family and yourselves at the same time, which can lead to more positive in-law interactions and harmonious connections with your partner’s family.

In situations where you and your partner are not on the same page regarding your in-laws, that is where couples therapy can come in handy! Many couples come to therapy regarding relationship challenges with their in-laws. There are many benefits in seeing a couples therapist when coping with in-laws gets difficult. Couples therapy is a safe space where both of you can share your feelings about your in-laws. A trained couples therapist can guide you on these conversations so that they remain productive. When you learn how to bring up these issues to your partner (in a way that doesn’t make your partner feel attacked or defensive), you both become a great team. Being able to understand your partner’s perspective and learning to build empathy for each other can promote tremendous growth in your relationship. Learning how to set clear and loving boundaries with in-laws, who may be interfering too much with your relationship, is also essential in couples therapy. Family of origin issues is another important topic that will be addressed to unpack any discomfort surrounding family issues, especially if your partner is having difficulty advocating for you and making you a priority when it comes to relationship issues with your in-laws.

While having good relationships with your in-laws is a wonderful thing to have, it’s also important to prioritize your relationship with your partner first and be able to express your concerns to them in a way where both of you feel heard. As Dr. John Gottman says, “Every marriage is a cross-cultural experience regardless of whether people are from different or the same cultures. They come from different families and the family they create is a brand new culture that has never existed before.”