Dating an emotionally unavailable man doesn’t mean that he’s abusive, manipulative, or a jerk. In fact, these men can be nice guys, can make you laugh until your abs hurt, and can be your best friend. What makes it difficult to identify a guy who avoids closeness is that you have enough good times together, which keeps your hope alive. And with that hope, you convince yourself that he may be able to give you that emotional intimacy you desire if you give him a little more time. But he may never be able to meet your need for closeness.

Here are 21 subtle signs your guy is emotionally unavailable:

1. He won’t contact you every day. Do you go days without hearing from your man? If you’re in a serious relationship, it’s normal to touch base every day. Not connecting with a text or phone call gives him his space.
2. You feel excluded from his life. He may attend a wedding without you, despite your request to go with him. He requests time to hang out with friends without you—and not just a “guys’ night” but instances when he is also with female friends, too.
3. You haven’t met the family. You’ve been dating for months and you haven’t met the family yet. You may rationalize it as he’s just not ready.
4. He won’t leave any of his things at your place. Leaving things at your place would just mean too much commitment. He probably won’t give you a drawer at his place either unless you ask.
5. He won’t go on vacation with you. Vacations can be not just fun, but can build closeness. And because he won’t want too much of that, he’ll just avoid going on a vacation where it would just be the two of you.
6. He’s a penny pincher—but only with you. He’ll spend money on himself and be generous with others, but will make comments when you’re with him about not wanting to spend too much money.
7. He talks about how much he values his independence. He says he’s always been independent and values being self-sufficient. Really it’s just another way of saying, “I don’t need you.” He may also call you “too needy” and “dependent.”
8. He avoids physical closeness. He won’t hold your hand in public. As far as others around you are concerned, the two of you are just friends, because there are no signs of affection between the two of you. He may also walk ahead of you. Sure, you may be a slow walker, but walking ahead of you creates distance, and that makes him feel comfortable.
9. He won’t put up photos of the two of you. You’ve been dating for months and he crops you out of his profile picture. He’ll check in on Facebook but to take a pic of his food to show off his dish, not the babe sitting across the table from him.
10. He takes more than he gives. Good relationships are about give and take. Not in a tit-for-tat way, but both of you want to meet each other’s needs. If you’re with an emotionally unavailable guy, you feel like you’re doing way more for the relationship than he is.
11. He doesn’t consider you. He gets dinner for himself but doesn’t pick up anything for you. He decides to apply for a job out of state without asking you how you would feel about it.
12. He changed. When you first met, he was charming, swept you off of your feet, and let you know that you were the only woman he wanted to be with. And now, he does the minimum to keep the relationship going. Gone are the declarations about his feelings and your future. Sometimes you may wonder why he’s even still with you since he doesn’t seem to care.
13. He avoids talking about the relationship and your future. He gives you just enough to think you do have a future, but you’re not 100% sure where you stand in his life and what his intentions really are.
14. He avoids difficult talks in general. Emotionally unavailable men try to avoid difficult talks. Working through conflict can bring a couple closer together, and closeness is exactly what he wants to avoid.
15. You have sex but you don’t make love. When you’re together physically, you feel like he’s still not fully present or connected. You may still have fun having sex, but there’s still a part of him that he’s holding back. You may even be the one who wants sex more often than him.
16. He has unrealistic views of a relationship. He believes in the Hollywood I-always-want-to-take-your-clothes-off kind of relationship, thinks relationships should be effortless, or that the feelings should just always be there. He wants the “X factor” without doing the work.
17. His exes’ descriptions say it all. You find out that his exes called him an “emotional zombie,” told him he was “cold” or talked about him having a “wall.”
18. He nitpicks. He focuses on small things like the way you talk or dress. You feel criticized over things that don’t matter and don’t feel accepted by him. Nitpicking is a way for him to diminish his romantic feelings toward you.
19. He’s hot and cold. After particularly intimate time spent together, he distances for a few days. It’s as though the man he was when he was with you is gone.
20. He won’t spontaneously say those three little words. He rarely, if ever, says “I love you” unless you say it first. If you’ve been dating your guy for years and you rarely hear the words, spending more time with him won’t make him say those words any more frequently than he is now.
21. You’ve become anxious. You’re normally confident, happy and have a positive attitude. But with him, you’re over-analyzing, spending time wondering about your relationship, and your friends are sick of getting screenshots to help you decipher his texts. You’re experiencing more anxiety than you do when you’re single.

Here’s one reason why you might still be single. Do you go on a lot of dates but none of them seem to pan out past a few dates or weeks? You may tell yourself that you have high standards and don’t want to settle, or that you just haven’t found the “right one” yet. But maybe there’s something deeper going on that you may or may not be aware of:

You’re afraid of getting hurt.

If you have this fear, you can end up sabotaging your chance at love. An early sign that you may be allowing fear to run your love life is that you find something wrong with everyone you date.

So if your date does something that you don’t like, wears a funny article of clothing, or slurps their coffee too loudly, you may blow him/her off as a potential partner, looking for a reason to end things. The payoff for you is that you can keep your self-esteem intact – you made the decision that your date wasn’t good enough for you or not what you’re looking for. It lessens the pain and makes you still feel good about yourself.

Or what if you really like this person and that terrifies you? After all, the more you like them, the more likely the hurt will be greater if things don’t work out, and especially if they break up with you. You want to avoid pain and it can be too scary to allow yourself to be so vulnerable, knowing that things could come to an end. And if this does happen, it’s a bigger blow to the ego. You may think, Why wasn’t I good enough? What could I have done differently? What’s wrong with me?

There’s always risk involved when we open ourselves up to another person, and the reality is: You will get hurt.

It’s impossible not to. No one is perfect and we all goof up. My work with couples shows that people unintentionally hurt each other – it’s more out of mindlessness, not malice. Especially in the beginning, your date doesn’t know you well enough to know what you’re sensitive about, what kind of desires and expectations you have, etc. If they do stop seeing you and you don’t get closure, you won’t know why they stopped (and who’s to say they’d tell you the truth anyway?). Don’t assume it’s because of something you did or that you weren’t good enough. After all, maybe they were scared and bolted.

If you’re afraid of being hurt again, remind yourself of your resilience. How many times have you endured a breakup, disappointment, and rejection? You’ve survived. You put yourself out there in the dating world and met new people. You can do it again—have more than a fling.

Also look at emotions as information. Feeling hurt is not always a bad thing as it can point to something that’s important to you and can serve as a guide to what you value and need in a relationship.

What would you assume if:

1. You were dating a woman who complained a lot about things going on in her life.
2. You found out the man you were dating still lived at home.
3. Someone with your religious background asked you out on a first date and wanted to take you to a religious service or event.

Would you date or dump them?

In each of these situations that I’ve come across, the person was dumped. These are only 3 examples, but one thing I consistently find is that singles make assumptions about the people they are dating without checking things out. The woman who complained may have been a pessimistic person and viewed herself as a victim. But what if she was going through a difficult time in her life at that point? In general, women connect through conversations and some vent their frustrations because it makes them feel closer to their man. The guy dating her never bothered to understand why she was complaining, he just stopped calling her.

Similarly, when the woman found out the man she was dating lived at home, she didn’t see him again but never questioned why he was in that situation. Maybe he couldn’t manage his finances well enough to move out or wasn’t ready for that kind of independence, but she also didn’t know whether he just lost his job, had to take care of an ill parent, or was saving for a home of his own.

The point of dating is to get to know someone – this is the information gathering stage:

There will be things you find out that you’re not sure of, things that may or may not be deal breakers, and some aspects that you will find just plain annoying. You need time for a pattern to emerge—you can’t know someone in just one or two dates. Instead of assuming, ask questions! Give your date a chance by getting to know them in different contexts—with your friends, their friends, public dates and having one-on-one time together. This way you can check out your assumptions before potentially dismissing someone too quickly.

Communicate:

And if something does bother you, it is up to you to tell them. Your date then has the choice to do something about it or not. If they don’t, you can decide if it’s a deal breaker.

Dating is also a time to tell and show a person what is important to you, what you need, want, prefer, etc. But your date won’t know unless you speak up! With the religious service example, the woman told the guy she didn’t think things would work out between them. They didn’t even have one date so how could she have possibly known? If it was too soon to attend such a personal event, she needed to speak up and say that it didn’t make her feel comfortable.

Being Too Dismissive? 

I’m not saying every piece of information has to be dissected and further pursued before you ultimately make your final decision. After all, sometimes you just know that it won’t work out. But if you find that you’re dating a lot of people without any turning into relationships, could you be too dismissive too quickly? Assuming things about your date without checking things out could potentially keep you from developing a great relationship. It is in your control to turn this around.

Make the next date you have, more than a fling.

There’s so much dating advice on the internet these days, and some of it makes me cringe, especially when it comes to what not to do on a first date. The first date is particularly important because as much as you may text each other before the date, nothing matters more than first impressions and the conversation that follows. Below are two pieces of bad first date advice that you should never follow:

1. Don’t talk about your exes. Talking about your ex can give your date important information about you and what you’re looking for in a relationship. It doesn’t mean you’re still hung up on him, but how you bring the info up makes the difference. Obviously you don’t want to bad-mouth your ex. But what did you learn from the relationship? Why didn’t it work out? Did your ex cheat? You can have a conversation about how important loyalty and trust are to you. Was your ex selfish and only cared about meeting his needs? You can discuss what’s important for you in a relationship to feel satisfied. If your ex disrespected you, you can talk with your date about how you don’t tolerate that behavior and that it is a deal breaker. Maybe your ex wasn’t a good communicator and that created a lot of problems. You can take the opportunity to discuss how important open and honest communication is to you. By sharing your stories (just remember to not bash the ex!) and non-negotiables, you can see if your date thinks similarly or if they can’t meet your expectations.

 Trust me, you can filter your date out much more quickly than if you ask about how they like to spend their free time.

2. Telling him you’re dating for marriage. You’re advised not to bring up the “M” word on a first date because it supposedly makes you look desperate. So basically this advice is telling you to suppress your own needs and desires in order to not scare a man off. If you’re dating for marriage or a long-term relationship, you definitely need to let your date know your intentions. I’ve saved myself a lot of time telling men I was looking for a serious relationship, and to their credit they were honest that they either were too focused on their career or didn’t have the same mindset.

Simply put, timing matters. Don’t waste weeks of your precious time by not telling your date what you really want. That time could be better spent with someone who has his/her goals aligned with yours.

…But it does make a difference on how you say it.

Men are terrified that a woman will just want any man – not him. So I coach my clients to say something like, “Yes, I would like to be in a serious relationship, but I know that it takes time to see if a guy is a good fit. I’m not just looking for just anybody, so it will take time to know more about each other to see if there’s even a chance.” Guys who are also looking for a serious relationship won’t run, despite popular advice saying that they will.

For more tips on how to date to find and keep a mate, come to my “Have More Than a Fling” dating workshop. The details of which are provided on this site.

As first posted in Time Out Chicago:

“You can’t find love during summer in Chicago. People just want to hook up.”

Have you ever heard this, or perhaps even said these words yourself? As a dating coach, I frequently hear this from my clients as summer approaches. In the nation’s third largest city, people don’t seem to believe they can meet someone who actually wants a relationship when it’s warm out.

Here are four reasons why Chicago summer is one of the best times to find love.

1. You can meet people you’d otherwise never meet. Winter can be brutal, and some people will not leave their homes unless they have to. Some singles won’t go online because they want to meet someone organically. Summertime in Chicago is the ideal for meeting a winter cuddle buddy. There’s so much to do, from lakefront events to weekly festivals. More people outside equals more people to meet.

2. More doing, less talking. Dates during the winter usually consist of drinks and dinner. Summertime events and activities give you amazing opportunities to learn about your date and see them in various contexts. Of course a first date can be simple like coffee or drinks to make sure there’s a mutual attraction. But drinks and dinner over and over again can be a snooze fest. In the summer, you can bike along the lakefront, go kayaking, learn each other’s tastes by going to concerts and art fairs and test each other’s comfort zones with an outdoor trapeze class.

3. Less clothes, more confidence. Forget the shapeless sweaters and puffy coats. Summer is the time to bare a little (or a lot) more skin. Are legs your best asset? Sashay in that short skirt. Been working on bulking your arms? Wear that tight tee. How you look in the clothes you wear can boost your confidence, and that makes you super sexy.

4. Experience a better kind of blues. The shorter days and longer nights in the fall and winter can make you feel down. People tend to lack energy, and don’t bring their A-game on dates. This isn’t the case during the summer. You’ll feel happier, energetic and more like yourself. People are attracted to positivity, so use the summertime to sell yourself. You can use this to go on more dates or try something new that you haven’t done before.

I know, I know…some of you are rolling your eyes at the title of my blog. Seriously, what can The Bachelor teach us about love? When the first season aired in 2002, I too thought, What are these women thinking? Where’s their self-respect? But when I watched this season’s episodes, I had a different take on the show. It’s not because it’s any different now than 13 years ago, but because I’m different. In 2002 I was still in college. Now, I’m a dating and relationship coach who has spent the last several years specializing in love and researching what makes relationships work. It’s been my job to help my clients figure out why they act like they do when it comes to love. Are people truly crazy and irrational, or can behaviors actually make sense? In the context of love and our need to connect with a person, the bachelorettes’ behaviors seem pretty reasonable. Here are 4 lessons from The Bachelor that can be applied to your love life:

1. The need to feel special.

During one of his guest appearances, Jimmy Kimmel made a joke about how many times the word “amazing” was uttered this season. But really the key word should’ve been “special.” Every woman on the show wants to feel special. It’s what the rose symbolizes–I choose you, you are different than the others.

Britt, after getting a rose on the stage of a Big & Rich concert, was sure feeling pretty special to Chris. But in the next episode she confronts Chris when Kaitlyn gets the rose over her. Britt wanted to know that she’s his top choice and said she literally asked and begged Chris for validation. She added that she doesn’t want her husband to see her as a second, third or fourth choice. We all want to feel special, to know our date or partner only wants us. We may focus on behaviors that show we’re unique, like how much time we spend together or the compliments and affection we receive. But how did social media spin Britt’s desire for this feeling? That she has a “meltdown” and “breakdown.” Although she could have picked a better time to be vocal, knowing the rules of The Bachelor isn’t enough to stop the heart from wanting what it wants.

2. The importance of security.

During every episode I love to read the Twitter feed about the show. One word that pops up a lot is “crazy.” In the context of the need of feeling secure, the women’s behavior makes sense. The women do what they can to increase their feelings of security with the Bachelor–they pull him away from other women, sneak time with him, ask him where they stand, wondering if he reciprocates their feelings, etc. There’s nothing crazy about this. We all have the need to feel secure with the object of our desire.

Maybe you’ve had times in your love life when you haven’t been as sure that your date or partner likes and cares for you as much as you do. Maybe you’ve wondered about exclusivity with your partner–wondered about what the next step is, felt anxious about it and the uncertainty of not knowing. All of this is perfectly normal and to be expected. My female clients sometimes tell me that the man they’re dating or in a relationship with calls her “crazy.” Some women worry that they’ll come across as being too needy or desperate if they ask for reassurance about the relationship or seek affirmation of his feelings. But we all have the need to feel secure, and the more we feel this security with our partner, the stronger our relationship.

3. The need to be vulnerable.

When Chris dismissed some of the bachelorettes, he said that things just hadn’t progressed as far as with the other women. I believe it. The women have mentioned having their guards up and not wanting to be hurt. In the episode when Kaitlyn was let go, she stated that the feeling of profound hurt she was experiencing was exactly what she had wanted to avoid. But being hurt is inevitable–none of us can avoid that. And being vulnerable is scary but a necessity in order to get your date or partner to truly know who you are as a person. Hopes, dreams, fears, the skeletons in our closet–when we share these things and get acceptance and support from our partner, it makes us feel closer. You have to take the risk. Without risk, deep intimacy is harder to come by.

4. There’s more than one good match.

When there were 3 women remaining, Kaitlyn, Becca and Whitney, the Bachelor told the host Chris Harrison, “I’m down to three really excellent women that I can see myself spending the rest of my life with.” And he probably could make a lifetime work with each of them. The Bachelor has often said that a lot of the women on the show have various qualities that he would like in his future wife. The thing is, for all of us, we have to pick which ones are more important and be able to accept and work with the rest. Looking for “The One” can keep you single. There’s no way you can meet someone who sees eye-to-eye with you on everything. Many people can be a good fit, but you have to believe that in order to make it work with one person.

I received a question from a reader:

Dear Anita,
I’m always single. I read advice online and my friends try to help me. What advice would you give me? I’d like to find love in 2015.

– Single in San Antonio

Dear Single,

I frequently get asked about my top tips to singles when they go on a date. Here are a few:

1. Do be prepared for the date. Think of open-ended questions to ask your date, and brush up on current events. Although you don’t want to come across as interviewing your date, being prepared can help lessen anxiety and make you feel more at ease, which will help the conversation flow more naturally. Also, try to remember fun facts from their profile, any funny stories or places that they travelled to or any hobbies they have. This will help break the ice and build commonalities between you two.

2. Don’t talk only about yourself. A date is a two-way street. Sure, you want to “sell” yourself, but your date also needs to know about you. Be aware of how often you talk about yourself and how many questions you ask your date. Showing interest can be a turn-on!

3. Don’t dismiss your date too quickly. I’ve heard from many of my clients that they haven’t given someone a second chance because their date seemed “awkward” and “weird.” In reality, they seemed nervous. A first date can be an anxiety-provoking experience – give people a break! Sometimes people aren’t awkward, they’re just shy or socially anxious. It may take them another date to feel more confident and secure. If you’re attracted to them and had some fun, give them another chance.

4. Don’t have a marathon date. Sure, it’s great to be having so much fun and chemistry that you want to have a 9-hour first date. Don’t do it. Leave room for mystery and leave your date wanting more.

5. Don’t ask your date to accompany you to a big event in your life, like a wedding or other family event. This will freak them out! It’s too soon and puts too much pressure on your date. Wait until you’re exclusive for that kind of commitment.

6. Don’t be intrusive. Asking your date how many people they’ve slept with or how much money they make is inappropriate. The first date should be about having fun and getting to know the basics. Keep things light. Feisty and healthy debate can come later in the relationship.

7. Do make your date feel special, if you’re interested. Keep eye contact, smile, don’t check your phone, and don’t talk about exes. Keep your focus on the person in front of you and getting to know them better. Be appreciative and say “Thank you” if they pay for you. Be in the moment with your date.

8. Don’t stalk them before the first date. Your view of your date can definitely be skewed if you “Google-stalk” them beforehand. If you check your date’s LinkedIn and Facebook profiles, and like what you see, it can lead to the belief that your date “is perfect on paper.” You can then ignore or minimize red flags because of a pre-conceived idea of who your date is. Also, I find that people are too picky when it comes to dating. I’m constantly telling my single clients that they have to pick what they can live with, because they won’t get that perfect person. So if you Internet stalk a date beforehand, and find one thing you don’t like, you could be turned off and think, “This would never work.” In reality, what you found is only a small snapshot of your date. And if they were amazing in other important ways but you didn’t give them a chance, you could miss out on an opportunity for love.

You finally met someone. You’ve had several email and text exchanges, and maybe you’ve even talked on the phone or had a date or two. You think this person is great, and you wonder if he could be “The One”?

The only problem is, you barely even know the guy.

Have you ever built a guy up in your head before actually meeting him or only after a few dates? I work with many women who get caught up in meeting someone new. They tell me how much they really like him and how they hope things will work out. If it won’t, they’ll be devastated and think they will never find love.

Whoa, let’s pump the brakes here.

When you first meet someone, sure it’s fun to be so excited at this new prospect, but you also have to keep a level head. If you put your date on a pedestal by idealizing them, you create a power imbalance. The possible consequences following this imbalance include you feeling more self-conscious, the need to prove yourself to him, and doing whatever it takes to win him over and get him to like you.

You’re also much more likely to miss red flags because you only see what you want to see – you want things to work so badly that you ignore or dismiss problems. And what if things don’t progress beyond the first few dates? If you’ve fantasized about a future together, you’ll be crushed, and your self-esteem can take a major hit.

One of the most common things I hear as a dating coach is, “What’s wrong with me? Why didn’t that person like me?” I know it can be hard, but don’t base your self-worth on what happens after that first date or first few dates. Your date is still a stranger to you. You don’t know this guy well enough yet to truly know why he stopped seeing you. There are so many variables (like timing, stress at work or an ex coming back into the picture) that affect dating that I encourage you not to take things personally.

And some of my clients are so focused on getting the guy to like them that they forget to ask themselves, “Do I even like him?” I’m not talking about experiencing feelings of infatuation, but can you truly name several qualities or values that you admire about your date? It’s simple to list common interests, but it’s easier on a long-term relationship when a couple shares similar values. It takes time to see how your date lives out his values; it’s not something you can fully know on just a date or two.

It takes time to get to know someone. If you’re dating for a long-term relationship, you want to take your time to determine if your guy is a good fit for you. Fantasizing about a relationship without even knowing him will leave you with more to lose than gain.

Ok ladies, ‘fess up. Have you been on a great date with a nice guy but he just didn’t do anything for you emotionally? He called when he said he would, confirmed plans, was a gentleman…but nothing in the feelings department. Nada. Zero. Zilch.

So you dump the nice guy and move on. You meet someone else, but this new guy gives you mixed signals. He calls, but takes his time doing so. He shows you that he’s interested in you, but you’re not exclusive since he’s still playing the field. You start to doubt his attraction to you, and you wonder if your relationship is even going anywhere.

But then he takes you on a date or compliments you, and you get butterflies. Your heart races and you’re happy, telling yourself that he’s interested and there’s a chance at a future together after all. But these feelings don’t last very long. He pulls back, he’s unpredictable with contact, but gives you just enough attention to keep you hooked. You may think, “If he just sees how awesome I am, he’ll want to be with me.” The uncertainty keeps you thinking about the guy all of the time, and your mood fluctuates based on whether you’ve heard from him or if he’s given you attention. You feel like you overanalyze everything.

If you’ve been on this emotional roller coaster often, chances are that you’ve mistaken your anxiety and uncertainty about the relationship as butterflies and chemistry (or for some, even love). This can be risky because you may be with a partner who’s not well suited for you. If you have a lot of anxiety, feeling calm with your date (like with a nice guy) may not be a bad thing. You seek closeness, want to be reassured and to know where you stand in a relationship. You may think you’re needy or clingy for wanting intimacy and reassurance, but in fact these are healthy for a relationship.

Intimacy and connection happen in a lot of ways, but one of them is by being vulnerable with our partner. In order to be able to share your hopes and dreams and fears openly, you need to feel secure with your partner. A nice guy who is consistent with his attention to you is much more likely to create and provide this security than the guys who leave you guessing about their interest in you.

As you date, pay attention if you find yourself feeling insecure and analyzing your date’s every action, and feeling bliss every once in awhile. Be aware that this may be your anxiety acting up because of his inconsistent actions, and not chemistry or passion.

So give the nice guy a chance, and you may get what you’re looking for and need to have a happy and fulfilling relationship.

If only it was as simple as putting “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” on your list to Santa. How cool would it be if he or she actually came wrapped in a red bow? From commercials to songs to couples walking hand in hand seemingly everywhere you look, ‘tis the season for romance. But what if you don’t have a significant other? You can still make it the most wonderful time of the year.

Embrace it. If you’re sad about being single during the holidays or dealing with a breakup, it’s ok. You can’t always push away feelings so don’t fight them. Sometimes giving more energy to the fight makes things worse. Set aside time to be sad, even if it’s only 5 or 10 minutes a day, and don’t criticize yourself for feeling down.

Say yes! Novelty and variety can cheer you up, so even just meeting someone new or doing something different can put you in a better mood. You might prefer to stay in and lounge on your couch, but say yes to invitations that come your way – or take the initiative and see what’s going on around town! There’s no excuse with so many opportunities this season: office and ugly sweater parties, citywide events, zoo lights, holiday concerts, etc. And you already have built-in conversation starters: What are you doing for the holidays? Do you have any traditions? What is your favorite holiday memory?

Spread holiday cheer. Sometimes the best gift you can give is yourself. Volunteer for a cause that you believe in, or go caroling around your neighborhood or nursing home. Visit a family member or friend who is going through a tough time. Selfless activities can boost your self-esteem, so giving of yourself is a win-win.

Take advantage. When you’re out and about, take advantage of meeting new people! Maybe there’s someone who catches your eye while you’re shopping for presents or at a holiday concert. Make eye contact and smile! Again, the opportunities for conversation starters are endless: ask their opinion about the gift you’re thinking of buying, or ask them their favorite holiday song. Nervous? That can be a good thing – even just doing something that gets your heart pumping can elevate your mood.

Do your own thing. Have you ever said, “I’ll do X once I meet someone?” Don’t wait! Do what you love now. Start a tradition that you can do solo or when you’re in a relationship. Throw a dinner party with your fabulous friends or take a trip to a place you’ve always wanted to go. Whether big or small, carpe diem!

Be your own Santa. If you’re like my clients, you probably take care of others before yourself. Take the holidays for some self-care or treat yourself to a meaningful gift or experience. It’s a great reminder to be aware of your own needs, what’s been missing in your life, and that it’s ok to put yourself first sometimes.

Celebrate you. What’s amazing about you? What have you overcome? Think of all of your accomplishments this past year. Write out all that you have done and completed in the past 12 months and then celebrate. Appreciate what you have achieved. It’s important to recognize your worth whether you’re single or in a relationship.

And if all else fails, just carry around some mistletoe.