Whether you’re struggling to find time for each other during the busy holiday season or have grown apart in the last few years, now is the time to start heating things up in your relationship! Intimacy instills safety and connection within a relationship, and without it, you’re at risk of feeling unsafe and distant from your partner. Intimacy is not just the physical and sexual component we most commonly hear about; intimacy is also emotional and involves conversation. Esther Perel says it best, “Women want to talk first, connect first, then have sex.  For men, sex is the connection. Sex is man’s language of intimacy.” Building intimacy doesn’t have to involve grand gestures. Below are 10 tips to heat up your intimate relationship in 10 minutes or less:

  • Give your partner a 60 second hug three times a day. Hugging releases a chemical in your body called oxytocin (aka the “cuddle hormone”), which is responsible for increasing happiness.
  • Surprise your partner with a cute note in the morning to start their day with a smile J.
  • Take turns giving one another a nice shoulder or back massage (foot rub if you want brownie points). Massages are extremely passionate and will leave your partner craving more closeness.
  • Reminisce back to a special moment in your relationship (i.e. wedding, first date, first time having sex, etc.). Reminiscing is a great way to connect with your partner and keep special moments and memories alive in your relationship.
  • Help your partner out with a chore that you usually try to avoid. Selfless acts of service for your partner shows them that you’re there for them and want to help alleviate some of their work load.
  • Catch them off guard with a kiss. Whether they’re in the middle of cooking or they just woke up, lean over and surprise your partner with a smooch.
  • Send an unexpected sweet or flirty text to your partner mid-day letting them know that they’re on your mind.
  • Cuddle at night for 10 minutes before falling asleep. Who knows what else the cuddling could lead to 😉 PLUS, because of oxytocin’s calming effects it can also help you sleep better.
  • Check in with your partner and see how they’re doing. This shows your partner that you care and you want to be clued into their inner world and how they’re feeling.
  • Gaze into your partner’s eyes until they smile/laugh and ask you what the heck you’re doing…then respond with “I’m building intimacy.” All jokes aside, prolonged eye contact with someone you love deepens attraction which definitely aids in intimacy building.

If you or you and your partner are looking for more support and tools to start rebuilding your connection and/or increasing intimacy, you can see a therapist like me who specializes in intimacy building and reigniting the spark in relationships. Please contact me at 312.219.5721 or fill out the contact form on our contact page.