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So the “honeymoon phase” is over, and you’ve realized your partner is just a regular person. They aren’t perfect and they actually do just work in accounting (enter normal job). The “spark” is now more of a nightlight- calming and comforting but not super exciting. You may be starting to wonder if this is because you aren’t a good fit, but I’m here to tell you that’s probably not the case.

It’s completely normal to feel bored in your relationship at some point. When you meet someone new and feel that rush, it’s because your brain is releasing hormones like dopamine and norepinephrine, aka the happy hormones. The longer you are with your partner, the more those hormones calm down, because it would be exhausting to be giddy for the rest of your life. You slide into routines, and boredom becomes a natural emotion- but don’t worry! Look below for 5 things you can do to spice it up and rediscover your excitement for one another.

Get Curious
Do you know what your partner actually does during their day at work? Do you know what their favorite childhood vacation was and why? So often in a relationship, you take what your partner says at face value and don’t dig deeper. Pretend you are a journalist and it is your goal to figure out more about what your partner is saying. Feeling stuck? Download the Gottman Card Deck app on your phone and use it on your next date night to learn something new about your partner.

Change Something in the Bedroom
If you can predict what position you and your partner will do before you even have sex, mix it up. Is there something you’ve been wanting to try in the bedroom? Talk through it with your partner and if you’re both on board, give it a go! The worst thing that can happen is you laugh your way through it, which is a bonding experience anyways.

Go Somewhere New
Getting out of your routines and normal environment is a great way to plug excitement back into your relationship. This can be a simple weekend getaway in a city that’s within driving distance. The important thing is that neither of you have really been there before. Make memories together in a new place and enjoy one another’s company.

Find a New Hobby Together
Not only will this be fun to do together, but it’s also just good for you. If you’re enjoying yourself and your partner is there, you will make positive associations with them in your head. This will also give you both something new to talk about, which is important when you feel like your relationship is getting stale.

Take Turns Planning Date Night
First of all, date nights should be mandatory. If you and your partner aren’t regularly scheduling time together, that may be a sign that something else is going on. One way to make it more exciting is to trade off planning the night. This provides a surprise element, and allows you to share something you like or are interested in with your partner. The one rule is you both have to agree to do the date no matter what it is.

If you try everything on this list and you’re still struggling with boredom in your relationship, it may be time to talk to a therapist. Sometimes there may be deeper-rooted issues at play, and talking with a professional is the best plan of action. Just remember, boredom is normal to feel when you’ve been together for a while and just acknowledging it to yourself and your partner is the first step so that you can tackle it together.

Contact info:
jeannie@relationshipreality312.com
312.625.8556