“They were right. I’ll never be good enough.”
“Who am I kidding? I’ll never get that degree.”
“What’s the point in trying? Things will never get better.”
Have you found yourself repeating the narratives above or something similar? I know I have. It kept me in a constant loop of making the same choices and getting the same unwanted outcomes. It is common to repeat unhelpful beliefs, because it is familiar and easy; yet, the cost is immense. This is a trap that keeps you stuck. The unhelpful beliefs may seem to work because you are not required to change. Change can be scary because it often means leaving the comfort zone into unfamiliar territory. I am here to tell you that the cycle of useless beliefs that you’re repeating to yourself won’t make your life better. Chances are, you will feel worse about yourself and won’t work towards the things you truly want.
Let’s apply useless thinking to an example. A goal of mine is learning to swim and I know I will need lessons. Let’s say the first person I share my goal with says “Don’t waste your time. You’ll never learn how to swim.” Yikes! Thanks, dream killer. Why should I believe that? Can they predict the future? Absolutely not. Now, imagine being supported by someone that says “Learning how to swim is possible with practice. I know a great instructor and I believe with consistent effort, you will become an excellent swimmer.” This is a narrative worth holding on to. Sounds supportive and rational, right? Who wouldn’t want to be supported that way?
Unlearning useless beliefs can be challenging because you likely have been repeating these narratives for most of your life. It didn’t happen overnight, therefore don’t expect yourself to unlearn them right away. This is where compassion is necessary–and not to be used as an excuse to remain stuck. Meaning, you can have compassion towards yourself for the impact those beliefs had on your life. The pain it caused you and others can be difficult to face and you can use it as an opportunity to change your thought patterns.
To clarify, I am not encouraging you to be dishonest with yourself. This information is meant to be used towards beliefs that aren’t serving you. The beliefs that hinder your growth are worth letting go of. Let’s imagine Michael Phelps challenges me to swim and I go for it, without taking those lessons. I’m so excited that I tell everyone that they should place a bet for me to win. Doesn’t sound wise, does it? He’d probably end up rescuing me instead because I’d be putting myself in danger. However, with lessons, I am capable of beating him (let me dream).
Application: Make a list of the beliefs you have that both support and hinder your goals. After identifying the thoughts that don’t work for you, slowly replace them with a supportive thought that you genuinely believe. The more you repeat them, it will be easier to add new helpful beliefs to your memory bank. Don’t force the beliefs upon yourself because it likely won’t stick for long. As you practice, notice how your mindset shifts over time.